marriage life is realising that its us against the world

everytime im on my periode
im like "please LOOK AT ME, LISTEN TO ME,LOVE ME, AARGHH"
and bitching about anything

the next day, i regret being an asshole

and repeats the next moth

i need something for me to channel all of my negative energy. and so i will make this blog for me to tell about anything that i want without scared of this to go public

i allways have this feeling of unfulfillment when things that i want doesnt go as i want and i cant control it.its different from being a perfectionist.

like, im okay when i want a new thing, i just need to save money and buy it.that i can control.

but things that arent in my control infuriates me.

me and my husband has been married for 7 months, i know its still early,i should not worry and im still young.
i am trying to conceive.
yes i am
it is not we but i, because i am the only one trying in this, and my partner is so aloof he only says not to worry and just brush it off
but i cant
i have this weird bad feeling. that it becomes negative thoughts like :
am i infertile?
is my husband infertile?
is it because im working? im stressed?
is it because my husband is overweight and smokes?
am i worrying too much? is this normal? what time is it normal? and what time should i be worried?will i not have children in the future? do i have disseases problem?

thats the thought i have every cycle and everytime i have my periode

anxiety.

i need help, and no one to talk to