i need something for me to channel all of my negative energy. and so i will make this blog for me to tell about anything that i want without scared of this to go public

i allways have this feeling of unfulfillment when things that i want doesnt go as i want and i cant control it.its different from being a perfectionist.

like, im okay when i want a new thing, i just need to save money and buy it.that i can control.

but things that arent in my control infuriates me.

me and my husband has been married for 7 months, i know its still early,i should not worry and im still young.
i am trying to conceive.
yes i am
it is not we but i, because i am the only one trying in this, and my partner is so aloof he only says not to worry and just brush it off
but i cant
i have this weird bad feeling. that it becomes negative thoughts like :
am i infertile?
is my husband infertile?
is it because im working? im stressed?
is it because my husband is overweight and smokes?
am i worrying too much? is this normal? what time is it normal? and what time should i be worried?will i not have children in the future? do i have disseases problem?

thats the thought i have every cycle and everytime i have my periode

anxiety.

i need help, and no one to talk to